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Being self aware

I few weeks ago, I wrote about how I’ve been experiencing a time of self-realization. I guess that time started in January when I moved to Texas, but it’s hard to say. Mostly, I think this is attributable to my living situation. Since I’ve been living alone, I’ve had nothing but time on my hands and I’ve found that I spend a lot of that time thinking. Sometimes I think out loud, sometimes I write things down, sometimes I just sit and think.

But most of that thought has been me finding out more about myself. I’ve spent a lot of my time working through things I’ve believed for a long time. Really, I’ve taken time to scrutinize those beliefs, so I understand them better and I’m more confident in what I believe and who I am.

I guess part of this process culminated on Friday when I went to see Garden State again. It sounds silly, but going to see a movie alone was a big deal for me, and I think it was a pretty big step that I needed to take toward being a confident actor. Really, going to see a movie had nothing to do with that so much as the fact that I did something that has been so far out of my comfort zone for so long.

I’ve also been intent on continually learning. Mostly, I’ve been studying acting, but I’ve also been studying cinema and poker and reading books by Christian authors. Earlier, I was talking to a friend and she mentioned that she’s been learning a lot lately. It hit me that if I’m not learning something, I feel like I’m just sort of wasting away, standing still. Turns out that, lately, the biggest thing I’ve been learning about is me.

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Old egos die hard

For a long time, I’ve had this thing about not going to movies alone. A few weeks ago, I started thinking about that and asking myself why I had such a problem with that. Well, I discovered it was basically an ego thing: I was too cool to go to a movie by myself because that was lame and that’s what lamos do.

Obviously, this line of thinking is totally ridiculous and smacks of insecurity. I realized I had invented a stigma associated with lone movie-goers. Not only was that silly, but the irony is that it seems a person needs to be more secure in himself to go to a movie alone. So, tonight I went to see Garden State again.

It’s still a good movie and I was really impressed by Natalie Portman this time around. Her character just seems so genuine, it’s impossible not to believe her.

The bizarre world of choosing headshots

My proofs have been online since Monday night and I’ve been agonizing over finding the perfect shots ever since. I think I’ve got it down to three, but I just can’t seem to commit. Fortunately, my acting coach has given me a lot of input as to what is good for the Dallas market.

The funny thing about headshots is that ‘civilians’, as my coach calls them, usually don’t pick shots that are actually good for use as headshots and they all pick differently from each other. I got input from several of my friends and only 1 of about 6 chose even a single headshot that my coach recommended.

Job hunting in SoCal

I’ve submitted my resume to a company in Southern California. I guess I’m starting to make strides toward eventually moving out there. I’m a little nervous, but I’m also excited about being closer to where I want to be. I don’t know how promising this opportunity is, but I’ve been told a few times that there are jobs available for people with “my background”, so I’ll just have to wait and see.

I’m in kind of a tough spot because my lease is up here in February, but I have to sign a new one by December. I would like to be in L.A. mid-year next year, so that means either going month-to-month or signing another year-long lease. Either way I’m gambling, and I don’t like that.

Workin’ the website again

I’ve asked my buddy to consider building up my website, so I can start using it to ‘advertise’. I’m thinking I’ll probably break it into three sections: weblog, engineering and acting. That way, everything will be central, but distinctly separate. I’ll use it as a place to post my resumes, headshots and thoughts. Seems like good use of a webpage.

Of course, this all depends on my web-designer buddy, who’s a big fat slacker. I’m trying to guilt him into doing it.

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Back from L.A.

I’ve been back for a few days, but I’ve been too lazy to post. Go figure.

Anyway, my time in L.A. was great. I went to the Santa Monica Pier, hung out with a good friend, met a VP at Sony Pictures and got a free lunch, got a free tour of Sony Picture Studios, got hooked up with a free copy of Angels & Demons (I hear it’s good), got my headshots done, and saw Garden State.

Now, let’s get right to Garden State, shall we? I remember a teaser a long time ago where the announcer guy said, “Rolling Stone calls it the seminal movie of this generation” Obviously, I was interested because I wouldn’t want to miss something so important to my generation. I knew Zach Braff (“Scrubs guy”) was in it and I heard Natalie Portman co-starred, but that’s about all I knew. Turns out it’s a fantastic movie. I’ve been seeing a lot of those lately, but this one took the cake.

The plot is solid and poignant, the soundtrack is awesome, the acting is perfect and the movie comes together nicely to tell a great story that I can largely sympathize with (I chose “with” as the preposition to end that sentence with). I don’t want to spoil anything, but the movie just hits so many things right on the head; relationships first among those things. The movie explores many different types of relationships and seems to understand each type completely.

I need to stop rambling because I’m not even beginning to do this film justice. I’ll be buying it when it comes out on DVD in December.